Holiday Compassion

by Jim Greer

LW contributor

“The greatest discovery of all time is that a person can change his future by merely changing his attitude,” stated Oprah Winfrey. For everyone, there is a daily battle between cynicism and optimism. Cynicism is part of a defensive posture we assume to protect ourselves. It’s typically triggered when we feel hurt or angry at something. Instead of dealing with those emotions directly, we often allow them to fester and skew our outlook.

Unfortunately, as we grow cynical toward one thing in our lives, we often cast that negativity onto everything. Walt Disney made a wise observation: “I always like to look on the optimistic side of life, but I am realistic enough to know that life is a complex matter.” The complexity of modern challenges cannot be dismissed or overcome merely by denying that they are threatening. However, research published in the Journal of Personality found “positive emotions contribute to psychological and physical wellbeing via more effective coping.” In other words, as we discover better means of coping with adverse circumstances, positive feelings can make us more resilient.

As we enter the holiday season, there will be plenty of opportunities to test our coping skills. One example is a wife who becomes impatient with her husband, who is taking too long to get ready for their Thanksgiving trip. While enroute, he remembers he forgot the camera she intended to use to capture new family pictures. Her hostility toward her husband grows into a cynical attitude that she carries throughout the gathering with family and friends. As a result, the entire holiday with her husband and family is a disaster.

Adopting a negative outlook influences how we react to and treat others. In this case, before she even arrived at her destination, this woman thought to herself, “I would never have made him wait; he is so inconsiderate,” and “I guess he really doesn’t care if we get pictures of the family. I care more than he does about us all being together.”

According to clinical psychologist Dr. Lisa Firestone, cynicism is often our reflection of our negative perception of ourselves. As a defense, we project those negative feelings onto those around us. In these situations, we end up sabotaging otherwise joyful events and emotionally hurting ourselves.

To take a different course, we must be sensitive to ourselves and notice what we are experiencing. Compassion fights cynicism by freeing us to be curious, open, accepting and loving toward ourselves. When we feel safe and secure in ourselves, we can easily express compassion toward others.

Some simple reminders to avoid cynicism are:

• Recognize that everyone struggles.

• When someone hurts us emotionally, they are acting in defense, indicating they are hurting.

• Remember that others are suffering more than you.

• Everyone has shortcomings.

Dr. Firestone continues, “Compassion counters cynicism by allowing us to feel our anger, pain or frustration without taking these feelings to a dark place that bends both us and those close to us out of shape.”

We create the emotional world we live in by cultivating compassion instead of becoming cynical. Compassion permits us to feel fulfilled while feeling closer to those we love.

This holiday season let’s be open and understanding and leave our destructive attitudes in the past.

It will allow us to enjoy the season while bringing out the best in those around us.